Sweet:
1: Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (T.V. show)
Anthony Bourdain has my dream job: travel around the world, eat a bunch of expensive, incredible food, meet new people and get drunk with them, and get paid an assload for it. Also, he's an ex-junkie, and kind of a dick, which makes for good T.V.
2: Rudy "Nosferatu" Giuliani dropping out of the GOP Primary
Good riddance, and fuck you, Rudy. Asshole.
3: Boddington's Pub Ale
Sweet Christ-on-a-Cracker is this shit good. I can't stop drinking it, which sucks because it's like $18 for four. I'd probably be better off acquiring a massive coke habit, undoubtedly it would be cheaper. Still, next time you're at a halfway decent bar, order yourself one of these. You won't be sorry.
4: Michigan State Basketball
At last check, 19-2 and steamrolling the Big Ten. More importantly, doing an excellent job of washing that distinctive feces taste out of my mouth that the MSU football team left there after choking away the Michigan game, then crapping the bed in their Bowl game against Boston College. Saint Izzo is whipping his boys into shape, and I would be terrified to draw them in the tourney. Also, I freely admit to having a gigantic man-crush on Drew Neitzel. It is what it is. I make no apologies, but I also will honor the restraining order.
5: "Lost" season premier
Remember the end of last season, where we thought we were watching a flashback, but it turned out to be a flashforward, with Jack driving around with a Beard of Emotion, going to some weird dude's funeral, rocking out to Nirvana and trying to kill himself? That shit BLEW MY FUCKING MIND, man. I am officially horny for this new season. I am also a gigantic loser. Whatever.
Weak:
1: John Edwards dropping out of the Democratic Primaries
We are all poorer now for this. John Edwards was the only one besides Ron Paul keepin' it real, saying shit nobody wanted to hear but needed to hear. While Hillary and Obama argue about whether or not MLK was aided by LBJ in passing the civil rights bill or if it was the other way around, and whether or not a particular flower Hillary had in an arrangement behind her in a commercial she released three months ago was the official flower of the Confederacy during the Civil War which in turn means she's secretly racist, Edwards was hammering away on the issues, the stuff that matters: poverty in America, the staggering incompetence of our government to protect or rebuild New Orleans, and the issue closest to my heart: rooting out the stranglehold special interests have on our legislative agendas. Look up any Edwards speech, and he was methodically on point and fiercely loyal to real progressive ideas, especially the issue of universal health care. In fact, this leads us to the next item on this list...
2: America, for not having universal health care
What the fuck, America? Get your shit together. If you've ever had to go to the hospital and not had health care, you know what I'm talking about. Go in for an x-ray, ten stitches and a couple aspirin, next thing you know you're $20K in the hole and have to either sell a kidney on the black market or have to file for bankruptcy. This shit is ridiculous: we're flushing a BILLION dollars a week down the drain in Iraq, but we won't pay for health care of all of our citizens? It's downright barbaric. And don't give me that shit about how it will decrease the quality or you won't be able to choose you own doctor, that's the propaganda the insurance companies want you to believe. Ask a Canadian or a European if they can choose their doctor and how satisfied they are with their health care, and then you'll feel like a real ass. As you should.
3: Winter
Winter, you are an unforgiving bitch. Yesterday it was 46 degrees and I wore a sweatshirt to work, today I went outside and my testicles shot up into my liver trying to escape the cold. It was around 0. It should never be 0. Goddammit.
4: The Super Bowl
I don't even want to watch it, it hurts too bad. Football Jesus, I'm having a moment of doubt that lasts all offseason. Why throw that pass in overtime, why? Just take the sack. TAKE THE GODDAMN SACK!!! Can't you get back on the pills and booze? You were so much fun back then. And, most importantly, a better player. I can't even talk about this anymore. I'm getting shitfaced on Sunday, you can take that to the bank.
5: Kwame Kilpatrick not resigning
Kwame Kilpatrick is a corrupt thug. He fired a guy because he was going to reveal his affair and shady and unethical squandering of city funds, then lied about it under oath and perjured himself. What a fuck. Then, as a result of his lying and douchebaggery, cost an incredibly poor and cash-strapped city $9 MILLION DOLLARS in payouts and expenses to settle with the whistleblowers. How are there not riots in the streets, people with pitchforks and torches storming the Manoogian Mansion ready to tear his ass to shreds? Where is the outrage?
That's all, kiddies. Enjoy the Super Bowl.
UPDATE:
For more on John Edwards and the effect he's had on the campagin, check out the excellent opinion piece by Paul Krugman in today's N.Y. Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/01/opinion/01krugman.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
No comments:
Post a Comment