Sunday, January 6, 2008

Drunk Blog!!!

OK, trying something new... I'm going to watch the GOP debate and write down my observations, only I am shitfaced. My drink count:

3 Guinness
1 Black & Tan
3 Irish Car Bombs
1 stupid shot Casey bought, it was sweet and tasted like cough syrup
2 SoCo & Lime

ANYWAY... the debate is starting, and the Republican candidates are very... white. Very white. In fact, Rudy Giuliani looks like a vampire. Come to think of it, he looks like this vampire:



And here is Rudy trying to feast on the blood of the young:



Vampires already? The debate just got started.

Observation: Mitt Romney looks like a Ken doll, only a Ken doll's evil boss. What a tremendous douche bag.



Mike Huckabee is not talking... the moderator is not asking him (or Ron Paul) any questions. These are the two most popular candidates with the people. LET THEM SPEAK! LET THEM SPEAK! What's that you say? The GOP is controlled by special interest groups and large corporations? Oh... oh yeah, that makes sense.

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! This debate has been boring as shit so far, but Mitt Romney and John McCain are getting into a pissing match over illegal immigration. Apparently, Mitt Romney's Mormon religion not only prevents him thinking black people have souls (ED NOTE: The Mormons do not believe this, they admitted black people had souls in the 70's), but it also prevents him from giving a straight answer to a question. Good stuff. Oh, and Editor? Here's a direct quote from Brigham Young, lest you think I jest:

"You must not think, from what I say, that I am opposed to slavery. No! The negro is damned, and is to serve his master till God chooses to remove the curse of Ham..."

The Mormons, everybody! Happy New Year!

Oh! Ron Paul is talking. He is asked to compare himself with Barack Obama, and he says they're similiar because they are both campaigning with the support of the young people. In fact, he just introduced his new campaign spokesman:



Romney says McCain advocates amnesty for illegal immigrants... Romney advocates burning the genitals of each illegal immigrant with a hot poker... Sen. McCain opposes this, therefore he is soft on immigration... Fred Thompson is sleeping...Rudy Giuliani is drinking the blood of Britney Spears... Ron Paul says the pharmaceutical companies are evil... Mike Huckabee apparently doesn't exist... an emu has wandered onto the stage, but no one has noticed.

Nevermind. This is fucking exhausting. I quit.

Mahalo, bitches.

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