John Locke Changes Lives

The following is a verbatim text-message conversation I had with my Attorney, Pope.

Pope: Dude. I just watched the season finale of Lost. What. The. Fuck!?

Ghost: Right? Sooo fucking sweet. No way Locke is dead, either. Also found out the dude who plays Locke is from the U.P. (Ed. Note- Thanks Ade!)

Pope: He better not be fucking dead! Hell Yeah! Think he'd come drink with us in Esky?

Ghost: Oh he would put down a double shot of Wild Turkey then lightening quick throw a knife across the room into an Indian's head.

Pope: And then wrestle a bear! How did the bear get into the bar and why is it wearing a Mexican wrestling mask? Don't know and don't care.

Ghost: In his defense, that bear had just fallen on hard times- just lost his job and caught Mrs. Bear fucking a black bear-

Pope: Well he WAS drunk on the job and kept nagging Mrs. bear about her hibernation weight.

Ghost: ... so he took a degrading carnival job as a heel wrestling vagrants and hobos for table scraps and was hitting the bottle pretty hard. Locke put him in a choke hold and changed his life.

Pope: Then we'd all have ice cream sundaes. And by "ice cream" I mean "whiskey" and by "sundae" I mean "sandwich". That's how Locke does.

Ghost: Whiskey Sandwiches?!? All that great, smooth whiskey flavor now in sandwich form? Fucking sweet!

Pope: Locke took two great things and made them into one!

Ghost: All hail John Locke!